Emergency rations

So, this thing still exists.
Let's put it to some use in "those troubled times."

You're a geek? A crafter ? Do you like cross-stitch?
Chances are that you may have some spare time at the moment.

Here are a few home-made patterns feel free to use them for your own enjoyment.
(No money-making, play nice, children.)

Take care.

We aten't dead. Yet.

The past year has been... let's settle for "interesting". Not necessarily leading to much activity, other than baking.
However, it was 2015. As everyone knows, a certain car was supposed to arrive on October 21st.
That called for some appropriate attire to go to the special showing of the Back to the Future trilogy at a local cinema.

Rather last minute, and low-budget. The dye for that old lab coat was the most expensive part.
The symbols on the shirt are different from the original, because:
a) I have too much time on my hands,
b) I am a hopeless geek
c) It was the 40th anniversary of the Rocky Horror Picture Show

So off to Google Translate I went, with the lyrics for the Time Warp. This probably reads like some of those famous user manuals, as I went for the symbols which would fit best. Shame on me, certainly, and I apologise to anyone who can read Chinese.

Earlier in the year I went to a small gathering of geeks which involved costuming too, so being the owner of a Roger Delgado Master costume, I decided to go as a Spoiler, adding a detail to said costume:

Not time travel (recurring theme, it seems), but close : Procrastination.
My old nemesis.
For "some time", embroidered bits and bobs had been waiting for a frame. And now it is done:

Others are still waiting to be made or framed:

Others have been planned.

And then there is a project for a costume, which seems to take a very, very long time, because so far it is too simple. 

And this concludes our bout of activity. Hopefully it will not take another year-and-a-bit for more.

Project Ghost-Grappling: Pictures, Year 2

After having dragged the first iteration of the gear for a weekend, all 8.5kg of it (roughly 19 pounds), it was decided that Something Lighter would be nice.

Back to the drawing board we went, and after some more ordering of parts, cursing and gluing (and very little in the manner of hammering in things that would have gone 'gloing'), the Mk2 was ready.
Based rougly on the same principles, with a few changes:

A more compact box,

Various elements organised inside, and best of all, none of it was made of solid oak this time. 

 The trap itself was a rather smaller model.

Captain's log - August 11th, 2014

After an unexpected call mid-July, informing him of a sudden opening on a pastry course, our hero* found himself tasked with defeating various administrations in order to update his status with them and hopefully obtain some money.
It is slightly winded and rather more panicked that he reached his destination, Rouen, on the Saturday before the start of the course, taking possession of a flat on the same day.

After two nights that did not lend themselves to restful sleep, First Contact was established on the Monday.
More paperwork, though most of it had been filled properly.
The students were sorted into groups. The lack of a Hat and ordinariness of the group names did put a slight damper on what could have been jolly good fun, and the lack of a feast was felt.
What really smarted was the contents of the timetables, which indicated that Tuesdays would start at 6am, in the lab, in uniform. (More on the uniform later.)
Fortunately this would be the only such ungodly day, and all students were granted weekends free of work.
(Though homework was strongly advised.)

After a mostly sleepless night, it was time to wake up, get dressed, go to school, get undressed, put on the uniform, and pretend to be fresh and rested, and Definitely Not One Of The Undead. On the bright side, most people were in the same sorry state. Most people, however, did not enjoy a panic attack. Interestingly, the symptoms were mostly the same as those of gastroenteritis, an old foe. (For the unacquainted: shivers, cold sweat, nausea, and dizziness.)
Thank Om for cold, steady surfaces to grip.  And thank pig-headedness for keeping panic at bay, on the basis that the course had been expensive enough, and none would be missed on the first day, thank you very much.

*

* *

After a basic presentation of the laboratories (no sign of green bubbly liquids, a real shame)  and processes, we were instructed on the way to make paper cornets, and sent on our merry way to pipe chocolate, the tale of "5 miles to school under the snow and upwards both ways" being that our tutor, as an apprentice, had to cover the workbench with  "Happy Birthday"s small enough to fit a cake, every single day. He recommended that we obtain some chocolate spread and practice at home.
We then graduated to the icing bag, and made pretend éclairs (or attempted to), with margarine. While a good exercise, it is also somewhat revolting.

The rest of the week passed without too much trouble, as the recipes were relatively easy, and included sablés (biscuits), flans and a fruit pie.
We learned some of the technical jargon, some tips and some Stuff You Should Not Do, but the most important lesson is that when you work in those labs for six-hour sessions with a 15 to 20 minutes pause in the middle, you are pretty much shattered by the time you are allowed to go home .

*

* *

Long story short, and no descriptions of The Works as this isn't a JRR Martin novel, it soon was December, Exams happened, and Exams were passed. No limbs had been lost. Not entirely. A diploma was obtained. There was much rejoicing in the land. And now back to our irregular scheduling.


*Yes, yes, we know.

Feeding the Troops

Last weekend was the Euro Steam Con, a continentwide series of gatherings for like-minded people.

The French edition, in Paris, involved a picnic on the Saturday. Not living there, and with limited access to load-bearing minions at such short notice, the Ministry limited its offer to the public to a Large Bag, which would be filled with biscuits in order to offer as many calories as possible.
Considering how fast they disappeared, despite the doubts of people as to the biscuits really being free of charge or funny substances, people seem to have liked them.


We felt that variety would be better, and six different recipes were used, but the most challenging biscuits were, without a doubt, the product of the ProfessorsFoglio's imagination,
The Mechanicsburg Gingerbread Trilobites.
The gingerbread part was not too difficult, apart from finding Golden Syrup, which can be tricky in France. Once that was found, a slight hurdle remained. Making them into trilobites. Surprisingly, we could not locate a single cookie cutter in that shape. Off to the lab, then.
Step 1) Draw the pattern.
Step 2) Transfer said pattern onto a block of wood.
Step 3) Deeply engrave the lines, here by using a pyrography tool.
Step 4) Using some low melting point plastic, create the stamp itself by rolling the melted plastic onto the design, with as much pressure as possible.
Step 5) Wait for the plastic to cool down before adding the final touches (sanding, smoothing)
Step 6) Make a ring from the same plastic in the proper shape, so the biscuit will be the proper shape and ready to be stamped.

The gingerbread recipe was foundon the BBC website,
We only added a pinch of ground clove, and did not use any icing



Once ready and cool, roll the dough and get cutting and stamping.

This is the only known picture of the Gingerbread Trilobites before their disappearance.

Project Ghost-Grappling: Pictures

From the Drawing Board - 1

"Please excuse the crudity of this model. I didn't have time to build it to scale or paint it."
Dr E.L. Brown.

Dubious Research, chapter 2

Tapping Belief.

Christianity appears to have been the most-followed religion on the planet for a long time.

As such, it should probably be our main focus. Once the process has been tested, we may extend it to also cover other religions, allowing access to more Belief.

In 1900, the main religions were:

1. Christianity
2. Hinduism
3. Islam
4. Buddhism

Belief is often expressed through prayer, a way to communicate with a higher being, or with the universe at large. Let us assume that a properly tuned antenna can receive part of this belief. A way to pick up a certain frequency.

Specially adapted tuning forks could be made to vibrate within the field of Belief.

Quartz crystals are piezo-electric, and generate electricity when under mechanical stress.

This electricity can then be stored in Leyden jars, to be released as bursts whenever required.

Aether.

Imponderable Fluids

For this we may rely on the method patented by Mr Martin Ziegler., Improved Imponderable Fluid, And Mode Of Generating The Same.

The method relies purely on the reaction of two different materials, one nitrous, the other carbon.

For convenience, we shall stay away from ammonia, and other liquid compounds.

Saltpetre (potassium nitrate) is a common substance, and can be found in powder form.

Graphite, the main component of pencil leads, is made of pure carbon.

To conduct the fluid, we shall use silk threads, as suggested in the patent.

Spirit.

This is where the work becomes interesting, as we cannot easily employ actual human spirit.

The hypothesis is that ghosts are an amalgam of these three elements (Belief, Aether & Spirit).

Our construct does not need to be sentient, it only needs to carry a positive charge.

It should also project the intent behind the intervention. Namely, getting rid of the ghost, and protecting people from it.

During the course of history, many elements have been given protective properties, and we are spoiled for choice. However, the smaller elements would be preferable for practical purposes.

We have chosen:

• Amber: to drive away demons and protect against insanity. This last part may be quite useful.
• Amethyst: helps hunters and protects against black magic and negativity.
• Chalcedony: protecting against nightmares, demons, harmful spirits and mental disorders.
• Coral: protecting against spells, black magic, and evil.
• Emerald: enemy of all enchantments, will banish demons, returns negative spells to sender.
• Garnet: protects from evil, wards off poison, lightning and plague
• Jet: driving away demons, proof against possession, ward against the Evil Eye.
• Pearls: driving away demons, protecting against evil
• Peridot: expelling phantoms, ridding people of their follies.
• Sapphire: against evil spirits and deceit

(More information can be found from many sources, but we found Gemlore, by Diane Morgan, both instructive and entertaining.)

The stream of combined energies shall be focused through a lens, allowing for a wide dispersion of thin line, depending on the number and size of the entities to be dealt with.

Some of said entities may not disperse, but may only be weakened. Those may need to be contained.

For this purpose, we have designed a trap, mostly based on The Art of Drawing Spirits into Crystals by Johannes Trithemius, a 16^th century text (or possibly older.)

To its basics were added several of the aforementioned stones, with the addition of a silver mirror under the crystal. Indeed, some cultures think that mirrors and photographs can trap souls. Since those have a common element in silver, it seemed a logical decision. As a power source, we used fulgurite, a stone created by the heat of thunderbolts striking the ground.

A lens was set in the top of the box, to direct to the spirit to the crystal.

As an additional layer of protection, the four sides of the box bear a St Benedict medal, known as the “Devil-chasing medal”, for it carries the Vade Retro Satana formula.
At the bottom of the box is engraved the Seal with which Solomon compelled spirits into a brass vessel.

For extra conductivity, all elements within those parts of the equipment are linked with a twist of three wires made of different metals: iron, copper and brass, all used in magnetic batteries such as Boyd's.

What does it have in its pocketses?

Two months since the last post. Bad. Baaaaad.
But predictable, with hints of "I told you so."

There is, however, some work being done behind the scenes at the Ministry, as well as a whole lot of procrastination. The proportion may not be half and half, and considering that the deadline is coming, more work is likely to be done this month. If not, the project is going to be late.

The uniform pocket is nearly finished, it only needs to be sewed on:

With barely a drop of blood spilled, too.

Whistle while you work

And if that isn't enough, or if you can't whistle, here is a collection of wax cylinders.
Should it become too much, they may say that you cannot stop the music, a well-aimed mallet blow should fix any such problems.
The Cylinder Preservation and Digitization Project

Official stamp

Finally, managed to find the drated thing again.
I swear someone comes around every night just to hide the stationery.
Of course, it could also be something.

Dubious Research, chapter 1

Ministry of Dubious Affairs

Department of Research

What if? Is one of the key elements in Dubious Research. Many would go as far as calling it Mad Science. Today we concern ourselves with What If Ghosts Were Real.

Most particularly, what if we needed to get rid of them.

Many humans believe in ghosts. Some even hunt them.

Spiritism and Post-Mortem Communication have always been popular, around the world.

Let us assume that those efforts are not in vain, and that ghosts, spirits left behind by dead humans, are real. These may only be a shadow of the beings they once were, but that still means that at some point they were human. Which may mean Trouble.

Belief is a strong force. It is commonly thought, within certain circles, that any “religious” symbol may be used against vampires, as long as the person has real faith, really believes in it.

Sorcery, charms and curses are said to only work if the people involved believe in them.

What if people's beliefs were some form of as-yet untapped energy, only available on a metaphysical plane? Could it take form by interacting with the aether?

Could ghosts be a contruct of spirit, belief and aether?

Let us work on the premise that it is the case. Dubious logic? Well, yes, what else did you expect from us?

If ghosts exist because people believe in them, it is possible that the same applies for other things.

We chose to apply this theory to a way of preventing said ghosts from causing trouble.

Harmful ghosts would most likely carry some negative energy, which one of our trainees keeps referring to as “Bad Vibes”, which would have to be cancelled by a construct of opposite polarity.

A first problem appears as many people naturally believe in ghosts, but only a select few will be aware of the means created to neutralise them. Ghosts can be created out of a far larger belief potential than the counteracting construct, and they also posess their own spirit.

As such, the fight would not be a fair one, and the rules need to be changed.

We suggest nothing less than altering reality around the... ghost grappler.

How to achieve this?

The operator needs to believe that this is possible.

This belief may then be amplified through a specially-designed instrument.

The Reality Modulator

Made of the following parts:

• The Improbability Aggregator: a platypus charm. If such an animal can exist, who knows what can actually be achieved?
• A horseshoe nail
• A butterfly

• Items of dubious actuality:
  • a strand of wool from a Hobbit scarf
  • a ring of chainmail created by Weta Workshop
  • a chip of Police Box blue paint.
  • A fake forged stamp.
    • - A Lexicographic battery: two dictionaries framing the rest of the modulator, for the potential existing in words.

Once we have a chance to tip the scales in our favour, we can move onto the required elements.

Belief

Aether

Spirit.

Belief

There is a lot of belief in the world. It is often linked to religion.
Think of it as a refined form. Raw belief gone through a special filtre.

Sympathetic resonance through the use of the appropriate religious symbols should allow us to tap into this worldwide reserve.

Aether

This is present all around us too, but is even less tangible than belief.

We shall need to draw it out of thin air, then distil it, and store it until it is required.

Spirit

This may be problematic. It would be inconvenient to require the operator to die, and there is no guarantee that they would not turn against you. Spirit needs to be replaced, and this is where positive vibrations need to be involved. 

To Be Continued.

Work in progress

.-- .... --- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / ..--..

1st step in a long series.

------------------
Première étape d'une longue série.

Chainmail: it does chafe a bit.

Well, that didn't take long, did it? Already stalling, procrastinating... and of course, not writing.

The latest project, if it even counts as a project, was Chainmail, How to Make It.

I had obtained from the good people at Weta Workshop one of their chainmail keyrings, using the same technique and material as those used in the Lord of the Rings. 

The pattern is known as European Four in One. Because you link four rings with one. It lies relatively flat, and does look good.

Once you get started and understand how it works, it could nearly be fast to make.

In the interest of Ministry Budget and Least Amount of Mess, I bought cheap jewellery jump rings, made of brass. Possibly. I could have tried making the rings myself, I suppose, but the Ministry's workshop is currently unavailable, and its work table might only be found after the archaeology department agree to lose a few of their trainees in a rescue dig. Those are expensive. (Digs, not trainees.)

I followed these instructions, which uses animated examples. However, this may be the fastest way.

The result so far: a rather uncomfortable handkerchief, and the satisfaction of knowing that I can do it.

--------------------------------------------------

Eh bien, cela n'aura pas pris longtemps. Déjà en train de trainer, de procrastiner.. et bien sur pas en train d'écrire.

Le dernier projet, s'il compte comme un projet, est la Cotte de Maille, et Comment La Faire.

J'ai obtenu des bonnes gens de Weta Workshop l'un de leurs porte-clés en cotte de maille, utilisant les même technique et matériaux que ceux utilisés pour le Seigneur des Anneaux.

La méthode est dite « Quatre en Un Européen », parce que l'on glisse quatre maillons dans un seul. Elle se tient à peu près plate, et est agréable à regarder.

Une fois que cous avez commencé et comprenez comment elle fonctionne, elle pourrait presque être rapide à assembler.

Dans l'intérêt du Budget du Ministère et du Fouillis Minimum, j'ai acheté des anneaux brisés pour bijouterie, en laiton. Peut-être. J'aurais pu essayer de les faire moi-même, mais l'atelier du Ministère est pour le moment indisponible, et son établi pourrait être être retrouvé si le département d'archéologie acceptait de perdre un ou deux stagiaires dans une opération de fouilles. Cela reste cher. (Les fouilles, pas les stagiaires.)

J'ai suivi ces instructions, qui utilisent des exemples animés. Cependant, ceci pourrait être la méthode la plus rapide. Le résultat pour le moment : un mouchoir inconfortable, et la satisfaction de savoir que je peux le faire.

 

A pin or nine can save time.

I put a spell on you... (Hocus Pocus version, of course)

This week* in the Ministry Files:

Voodoo dolls, the practitioner's favourite cuddly toy.

The dolls are meant to represent the target of whichever interesting time you wish to see enacted.

You could certainly run after someone with pins, but it isn't as discreet or sneaky. And there could be witnesses. The dolls can have many different looks, but we prefer the easy “Gingerbread Man” model, as it easily doubles as an interesting pin cushion.

1. Draw a rough shape for your doll, you may use a cookie cutter as a guide. Remember to make the outline slightly wider to compensate for the doll's thickness.
2. Prepare your fabric, here the same old linen as the mandrake root in the previous post. Pin two layers, draw the outline of the pattern.
3. Sew the two layers together, leaving the top of the head open. Cut around the shape.
4. Turn the doll inside out, stuff with batting of choice.
5. Close the top of the head, done here using a blanket stitch running all around the doll, for looks as well as durability.
6. Choose buttons for the eyes, sew in place. Embroider a mouth and heart.
7. Be careful with those pins. The Ministry declines all responsibility.

*As if I were going to update this thing weekly. But I suppose one can hope.


----------------------------------------------------------

Cette semaine* dans les dossiers du Ministère :

Les poupées vaudou, je jouet favori des praticiens.

Les poupées sont sensées représenter la cible de tout ce que vous pouvez souhaiter.

Vous pouvez certainement courir après quelqu'un avec des épingles, mais ce n'est ni aussi discret, ni sournois. Et il pourrait y avoir des témoins. Les poupées peuvent avoir différents styles, mais nous préférons le « bonhomme de pain d'épice », plus facile, qui peut aussi servir de pelote d'épingles.

1. Dessinez la forme de votre poupée, vous pouvez utiliser un emporte-pièce comme guide. Souvenez-vous de laisser de la marge autour du tracé pour compenser l'épaisseur de la poupée.
2. Préparez votre tissus, ici le même vieux drap de lin que la mandragore du post précédent. Épinglez les deux épaisseurs, dessinez la silhouette.
3. Cousez les deux épaisseurs, en laissant le haut de la tête ouvert. Découpez autour de la silhouette.
4. Retournez la poupée, remplissez de bourre.
5. Fermez le haut de la tête, ici avec un point de boutonnière, continué tout autour de la poupée, pour l'aspect autant que pour la solidité.
6. Choisissez des boutons pour les yeux, cousez en place, brodez une bouche et un cœur.
7. Attention aux épingles. Le Ministère décline toute responsabilité.

*Comme si j'allais mettre le blog à jour chaque semaine. Mais je suppose qu'il y a toujours un peu d'espoir.

Botany

Another file from the archives

The mandrake, Mandragora officinarum , said to grow under gallows, due to a certain... fertiliser not found anywhere else. Its scream as it was uprooted reputedly killed people, and its magical properties were of dubious taste.

Various antique illustrations may be found on Bibliodissey.

We endeavoured to create a simple simulacrum with a friendlier look.

1. Prepare a simple pattern, drawing the shape of the root you would like to obtain, slightly wider as it will be stuffed. Then cut a simple leaf pattern.

Examples are provided:

2. Choose your fabrics. The example was made of vintage, rather thick linen, and the leaves were made of dark green velveteen/imitation suede, with thin, lighter green lining. As the project is small, it may be easier to sew first, and then only cut. Fold your fabric in two, or place two parts with the right sides facing. (You will need several leaves)
3. Pin both sides of the fabric, and sew. The top of the “head” and leaf stem should be left open, to enable you turn the result inside out.
4. Cut around the seams, leaving just enough to make sure they will hold.
5. Turn the root and leaves inside out.
6. Add rootlets to the main root, using thread, twine...
7. Stuff the root with batting, cotton wool... pack tightly, leaving some empty space at the top.
8. Embroider the veins on the leaves, the open stem may help you hide some thread, if you are as good as I am when it comes to embroidery. Once done, sew the stems shut.
9. Gather the stems in a crown, you may want to add a flower or two. These were made of felt (after a few tries with lighter material), on a braided embroidery floss stem. Sew together.
10. Slip the bottom of the stems in the top of the root, adjust stuffing if necessary. Sew the root top closed, making sure to sew through the stems too.

Leaves have been cut individually to save fabric, but it may be easier in the end to create a one piece“crown”. It may also be easier to obtain artificial flowers, thus lessening the amount of cursing required.

----------------------------------------------------

MANDRAGORE

La mandragore, Mandragora officinarum, a la réputation de pousser sous les gibets,

grâce à un certain... engrais que l'on ne trouve nulle part ailleurs. Son cri lors

de l'arrachage pouvait, selon la légende, tuer, et ses propriétés magiques n'étaient pas du meilleur goût.

Des illustrations d'époque peuvent être trouvées sur Bibliodissey.

Nous avons essayé d'en créer un simulacre simple, à l'allure plus amicale.

1) Préparez un patron simple, en dessinant la forme de la racine que vous désirez,

légèrement plus large afin d’accommoder la bourre. Découpez ensuite la forme d'une feuille simple.

Des exemples sont fournis:

2) Choisissez vos tissus. L'exemple a été réalisé à partir d'un vieux drap de lin,

et les feuilles à partir de suédine vert foncé, et de doublure vert clair.

Le projet étant relativement petit, il peut être plus facile de coudre avant de couper.

Pliez votre tissus en deux, ou placez-les afin que les endroits se fassent face. (Vous aurez besoin de plusieurs feuilles)

3) Épinglez les deux morceaux, et cousez. Le haut de la "tête" et la tige des feuilles doivent être laissés ouverts, afin de retourner le tissus.

4) Coupez autour des coutures, en vous assurant de laisser suffisamment de tissus pour qu'il ne se découse pas.

5) Retournez les racines et feuilles.

6) Ajoutez les radicelles à la racine principale en utilisant du fil ou de la ficelle.

7) Remplissez la racine de bourre, de coton... assurez-vous de bien la compacter, en laissant un peu de place dans la "tête".

8) Brodez des veines sur les feuilles, la tige encore ouverte peut vous aider à cacher les fils, si vous êtes aussi doués que moi en broderie. Vous pourrez ensuite coudre les tiges pour les fermer.

9) Assemblez les tiges en couronne, et vous pourrez ajouter une ou deux fleurs. Celles-ci on été découpées dans de la feutrine, attachées avec du fil à broder. Cousez ensemble.

10) Glissez le bas des tiges dans le haut de la racine, ajustez la bourre, fermez et cousez, en vous assurant de passer au-travers des tiges.

Les feuilles ont été découpées individuellement afin d'économiser du tissus, il pourrait être plus simple de créer une couronne d'une seule pièce, limitant le nombre de jurons nécessaire.